Marriage and Sex

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Normal for Women to Experience Sexual Decline Around Menopause

Published November 5, 2016 by teacher dahl

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New research suggests that menopause is linked to a reduction in sexual function for most women, although race/ethnicity does play a factor in the magnitude of the decline.
Investigators from Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center discovered women experience a notable decline in sexual function about 20 months before and one year after their last menstrual period, and that decrease continues, though at a somewhat slower rate, over the following five years.
The study, published ahead of print in the online issue of Menopause: The Journal of the North American Menopause Society, also found that various factors that frequently co-occur with menopause have less direct influence on declining sexual function than menopause itself.

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“Sexual functioning in women declines with age, and there has been much debate about how much this is due to menopause, aging, or other physical, psychological or social factors,” said the study’s lead author, Nancy Avis, Ph.D.
“Our findings support that menopause has a negative effect on sexual functioning in many women.”
Additionally, the study found that women who have a hysterectomy before the onset of menopause do not experience a marked decline in sexual function immediately before undergoing the procedure but do so afterward, for as long as five years.
The researchers based their findings on information collected from 1,390 participants in the federally funded Study of Women’s Health Across the Nation (SWAN), which began in 1996.
These women, who were between the ages of 42 and 52 at the time of enrollment in the study and who had a known date of final menstrual period during their participation, responded to questionnaires dealing with various aspects of sexual function — including desire, arousal, satisfaction, and pain — between one and seven times over the course of the study.
The researchers analyzed 5,798 of these self-assessments (4,932 from the 1,164 women in the natural menopause group and 866 from the 226 women in the hysterectomy group) and tracked the changes in the respondents’ scores on the sexual-function questionnaires. They correlated the scores relative to either their final menstrual period among women who experienced a natural menopause or the hysterectomy.
Notably, in the natural menopause group, the researchers found that race/ethnicity played a major role in the decline of sexual function. They discovered African-American women experiencing a significantly smaller decline and women of Japanese descent experiencing a much greater decline when compared with white women.
“Sexual functioning is an important component of women’s lives. More than 75 percent of the middle-aged women in the SWAN study reported that sex was moderately to extremely important to them when the study began,” Avis said.
“It is important for women and their health care providers to understand all the factors that may impact women’s experience of sex in relation to both the natural menopausal transition and hysterectomy, and we hope our findings will contribute to better understanding in this area.”

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Get Your Sex Life Back After Baby

Published February 4, 2016 by teacher dahl

sex after baby

 

It’s the dirty little secret of baby-making: After nine long months, you’re overwhelmed by the love you feel for your newborn — and shocked to find how much havoc that bundle of joy is wreaking in the bedroom.

If you’re feeling less than lusty after having a baby, you’re not alone. “It’s completely normal for both women and men’s libido to hit a rock-bottom low during the first six to nine months following the birth of your baby,” says L.A. ob-gyn Sheryl Ross, MD.

Rest assured, you needn’t throw your sex life out with the bathwater. Here are a few secrets to help you dust off your sexuality post-baby.

Good: Adjust Your Expectations
Celebrity magazines make it seem like your waistline and your sex life should snap back to normal in a matter of weeks. But the experts know otherwise: Your new postpartum hormones are designed to make you lust-less.

“The first six weeks are definitely the hardest hormonally and physically for both women and men,” says Ross. If you’re a new mom, “your hormones are all over the place, your low estrogen level is in the menopausal range, your vagina is dry with little natural lubrication, and sex hurts. This is the normal baseline.”

Meanwhile, studies have shown that men’s testosterone levels dip when they become fathers, and the more they interact with their Mini-Mes, the lower those levels go.

First step: Don’t rush things.

“Most women will find intercourse painful up until the three-month mark,” notes Ross. “Once you cross that line, look for life to get easier in every way. I always tell my [female] patients, ‘It takes you nine months to go through the pregnancy. Allow yourself nine more to have your body return to normal, too.'”

Better: Take Two-Hour ‘Vacations’
“The best advice I can give to people to fix their libido is get some help [with the baby], says NYC ob-gyn Daniel Roshan, MD. “You can hire a nurse, or ask your mother, your cousins, your friends, your neighbors… I don’t know a magic bullet for fixing libido [post-baby]. It’s about exhaustion.”

On top of that, less free time and more chores can put sex on the back burner. “Even a two-hour vacation can make a world of difference,” says Sabitha Pillai, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University. “It’s short enough that the baby can manage without milk or formula, but the two hours makes a huge difference [for the parents] mentally and psychologically.”

Best: Just Touch Each Other
There’s one emotional snare that many new parents fall prey to: “A lot of us wind up transferring our emotional energy to our kids versus expressing it as a couple,” says Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist in L.A.

Much of it has to do with oxytocin, the bonding chemical we release when we hug, make love… and breastfeed. “Directly after giving birth, the mother winds up getting her oxytocin from her kid,” Van Kirk explains. “I see couples disconnect, emotionally and physically.”

To get back on track, start talking — and touching — right away to raise your oxytocin levels. “Even in the first six weeks, when intercourse is frowned upon, set up time to give each other a massage or a foot rub,” she suggests.

And don’t be afraid to be opportunistic about sex, whether that means setting a sex date or taking advantage of baby’s naps. “Even if it’s a quickie, it’s important,” says Van Kirk. “Sex begets more sex.”

From: Web MD

 

Men: How to Awaken Passion in Your Wife

Published December 7, 2015 by teacher dahl

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For men, it’s easy. Your wife gives you a glance, a naughty side-turn or wears some sexy lingerie and you’re rearing to go. For women, foreplay is a bit more complicated.

Sex and intimacy are essential ingredients to remaining close and connected to your spouse, but often, it’s the first thing to go. Not only do you battle with the stress of everyday life, lack of sleep from demanding kids or just feeling plain old “not into it,” you also have to worry about setting the stage precisely. Otherwise it loses steam.
Women love intimacy and desire sex, despite what our society tells us. They yearn to be cherished, caressed and adored. All of these things must precede the bedroom dance, however, in order for a woman to get excited about making love.

Think about foreplay for women like picking your NFL fantasy draft. You spend months in advance of football season analyzing the players, listening to the commentators’ projections, and conferring with friends on how you’ll make your move. You start early, agonizing over all the possibilities and changing position when needed to make the right pick. This is how you seduce a woman.

Foreplay is ongoing and happens way before the candles and sex talk ensue. If you can nail the essential steps ahead of time, you’ll have your woman eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.

As John Gottman said in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.” When you turn toward your spouse in those small, everyday moments, you’re tapping into the act of intimacy, which in turn leads to an active sex life. When you strengthen the bond of connection by building friendship and expressing appreciation, you’re rounding all the bases to a home run. Talking about sex outside of the bedroom is another act of seduction.

Below are examples of ways you can build foreplay:

  • Caress your woman with words of appreciation and acts of love.
  • Text her during the day to ask if she needs anything to go along with dinner.
  • Say thank you for keeping the house together while you were away.
  • Rub her feet at night to get her to relax.
  • Offer to make a meal one night of the week so that she doesn’t have to.
  • Ask her about her most intimate dreams for her life and your family.
  • Check in with her about what’s been stressing her out lately.
  • Have a 20-minute conversation daily about her passions and interests. Be genuinely interested with no distractions.
  • Talk to her about your sex life and ask if she’s satisfied.
  • Praise her character, personality, dreams and motivations.
  • Each time you invest in something positive about your relationship, show genuine interest in your wife’s daily life and share your own intimate desires, you’re engaging in her most favorite version of foreplay with lovemaking being the final destination.

This is what marriage certificates looked like in the late 1800s

Published April 10, 2015 by teacher dahl

Have you ever wondered what it was like for your grandparents or great-grandparents to fill out a marriage certificate?
Here are 10 marriage certificates from the late 1800s, which we found through searching the Library of Congress.

MC 1

1840-1850

Here’s a marriage certificate that was popular in the 1840s and 1850s. It features an image of a married couple in the center, with requirements for the husband on the left and requirements of the wife on the right. The requirements, which cite Bible verses, ask for the husband and wife to be loyal to each other.
1857
Here’s a marriage certificate from 1857 that comes from a mayor’s office. Though the writing is tough to read, the focus is on the two hands shaking at the bottom, which highlights the sense of unity the married couple will share together.

MC2

1869
This certificate from 1869 is as simple as it gets. There’s a beautiful photo of a married couple at the top, with spaces for the couple’s witnesses signatures at the bottom. Those definitely seem like the easy days of filling out a form, since it merely asks for the couples to write their names.

MC 31871
Two years later, we get this marriage certificate, which has two vacant circles for the couples’ personal portraits. This one specifically comes from New York City.

MC 4

1875
This marriage certificate includes beautiful flowers on the outskirts, which is a welcomed spice for the otherwise mundane certificate. It comes from 1875 and, much like the 1871 rendition, includes spaces for the marrying couple’s portraits.

MC5

1877

This marriage certificate from 1877 is more about the outside images than the rest of it. There are two married couples on the certificate, outlined by an exceptional bouquet of flowers. It’s a pretty marriage certificate, more than some of the plainer versions from earlier years. This also highlights a trend of marriage certificates including flowery images as the 19th century progressed.

MC 6

1880
And lastly, here’s Theodore Roosevelt’s marriage certificate from 1880 . That’s right. Teddy Roosevelt’s marriage certificate to Alice Lee. This certificate includes a space that asks which number marriage this is for the bride and groom respectively.

By : Herb Scribner national desaretnews.com

Sex Disinterest, What Can Be Done?

Published July 25, 2014 by teacher dahl

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What is sexual dysfunction?
When you have problems with sex, doctors call it “sexual dysfunction.” Men and women can have it. There are four kinds of sexual problems in women.

Desire disorders. If you have a desire disorder you may not be interested in having sex. Or, you may have less desire for sex than you used to.

  • Arousal disorders. When you don’t feel a sexual response in your body or you start to respond but can’t keep it up, you might have an arousal disorder.
  • Orgasmic disorders. If you can’t have an orgasm or you have pain during orgasm, you may have an orgasmic disorder.
  • Sex pain disorders. When you have pain during or after sex, you may have a sex pain disorder. In some women, the muscles in the outer part of the vagina tighten when you start to have sex. A man’s penis or a vibrator can’t get into the tight vagina.

What causes sexual dysfunction?
Medicines, diseases (like diabetes or high blood pressure), alcohol use, or vaginal infections can cause sexual problems.

Depression, an unhappy relationship or abuse (now or in the past) can also cause sexual problems.

You may have less sexual desire during pregnancy, right after childbirth or when you are breast-feeding. After menopause many women feel less sexual desire, have vaginal dryness or have pain during sex.

The stresses of everyday life can affect your ability to have sex. Being tired from a busy job or caring for young children may make you feel less desire to have sex. Or, you may be bored by a long-standing sexual routine.

How do I know if I have a problem?
Up to 70 percent of couples have a problem with sex at some time. Most women sometimes have sex that doesn’t feel good. This doesn’t mean you have a sexual problem.

If you don’t want to have sex or it never feels good, you might have a sexual problem. The best person to decide if you have a sexual problem is you! Discuss your worries with your doctor. Remember that anything you tell your doctor is private.

What can I do?
To improve your desire, change your usual routine. You may want to rent an erotic video or read a “sexy” book with your partner.

 

lovely lady 365 days

 

  1. Arousal disorders can be helped if you use a vaginal cream for dryness. Mineral oil also works. If you have gone through menopause, talk to your doctor about taking estrogen.
  2. If you have a problem having an orgasm, masturbation can help you. Extra stimulation (before you have sex with your partner) with a vibrator may be helpful. You might need rubbing or stimulation for up to an hour before having sex. Many women don’t have an orgasm during intercourse. If you want an orgasm with intercourse, you or your partner may want to gently stroke your clitoris.
  3. If you’re having pain during sex, try different positions. When you are on top, you have more control over penetration and movement. Empty your bladder before you have sex. Try using extra creams or try taking a warm bath before sex. If your sex pain doesn’t go away, talk to your doctor.
  4. If you have a tight vagina, you can try using something like a tampon to help you get used to relaxing your vagina. Your doctor can tell you more about this.

What else can I do?

  • Learn more about your body and how it works. Ask your doctor about how medicines, illnesses, surgery, age, pregnancy or menopause can affect sex.
  • Practice “sensate focus” exercises where one partner gives a massage, while the other partner says what feels good and requests changes (example: “lighter,” “faster,” etc).
  • Fantasizing may increase your desire. Squeezing the muscles of your vagina tightly and then relaxing them may increase your arousal. Try sexual activity other than intercourse, such as massage, oral sex or masturbation.

What about my partner?

  1. Talk with your partner about what each of you like and dislike, or what you might want to try.
  2. Ask for your partner’s help. Remember that your partner may not want to do some things you want to try. Or, you may not want to try what your partner wants.
  3. You should respect each other’s comforts and discomforts. This helps you and your partner have a good sexual relationship.
  4. If you can’t talk to your partner, your doctor or a counselor may be able to help you.

If you feel like a partner is abusing you, you should tell your doctor.

How can my doctor help?
Talk to your doctor about your sexual health. Explain your problems openly and honestly. Your doctor can also give you ideas about treating your sexual problems or can refer you to a sex therapist or counselor if it is needed.

 

source : American Family Physician

Reasons why Sex in the Morning is the Best time

Published January 23, 2014 by teacher dahl

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One of the many differences between the sexuality of men and women is that men tend to enjoy morning sex, while women mostly prefer to keep bedroom activity reserved for nighttime. This probably has a lot to do with what is referred to as nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT), which causes a man without erectile dysfunction to have three to five erections as he sleeps. NPT is more commonly referred to as “morning wood” or “morning glory.” Whatever you call it, waking up with an erection is as good a reason as any to initiate a little early action. Unfortunately, your girl may not be in the mood the minute she opens her eyes, but if you approach it properly she will very quickly be just as into morning sex as you are.

We have tricks that will ensure your sunrise sex session is totally appealing and super pleasurable.

For rocking mornings with your loving partner….

1. Prepare the night before:

In order to avoid having to get out of bed just when you are in the mood for the morning action, prepare yourself the night before. Keep some breath mints near the bed, to avoid embarrassment in the morning, before things start to get sexy. Also, be sure to go to the bathroom before you go to sleep to prevent having to get up to take a leak as soon as you wake up.

2. Gently wake your partner:

Your woman most likely does not know you are in the mood, early morning. So, start by soft and slow moves and let your sensual approach wake up your partner in a positive, loving mood that will make it much more likely that you both will have pleasure in morning sex.

  • Focus on Each Other’s Necks, Nips, and Shoulders

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Let’s be honest: kissing before brushing can be a major mood-killer. But it’s totally awk to hook up without kissing, right? Instead of going for mouth-on-mouth action, put your lips on the rest of his upper body to get things started.

3. Keep time in mind

It’s important to wake up early enough to get a little action in before either of you are due at work. You both need enough time to enjoy a little morning make-out time to start your day. It’s best if you can wake up before your partner so you can arouse him/her into consciousness with your moves.

4. Brush, if you can:

There is nothing that is more putting-off than bad breath in bed! Although you have mints besides you, if you do brush, the fresh breath will be a great turn on in bed. And then you woke up a bit earlier than your partner anyway, didn’t you?

Get, set, going! Have Great Mornings!

source: Ask Men
Cosmopolitan
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