For men, it’s easy. Your wife gives you a glance, a naughty side-turn or wears some sexy lingerie and you’re rearing to go. For women, foreplay is a bit more complicated.
Sex and intimacy are essential ingredients to remaining close and connected to your spouse, but often, it’s the first thing to go. Not only do you battle with the stress of everyday life, lack of sleep from demanding kids or just feeling plain old “not into it,” you also have to worry about setting the stage precisely. Otherwise it loses steam.
Women love intimacy and desire sex, despite what our society tells us. They yearn to be cherished, caressed and adored. All of these things must precede the bedroom dance, however, in order for a woman to get excited about making love.
Think about foreplay for women like picking your NFL fantasy draft. You spend months in advance of football season analyzing the players, listening to the commentators’ projections, and conferring with friends on how you’ll make your move. You start early, agonizing over all the possibilities and changing position when needed to make the right pick. This is how you seduce a woman.
Foreplay is ongoing and happens way before the candles and sex talk ensue. If you can nail the essential steps ahead of time, you’ll have your woman eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.
As John Gottman said in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.” When you turn toward your spouse in those small, everyday moments, you’re tapping into the act of intimacy, which in turn leads to an active sex life. When you strengthen the bond of connection by building friendship and expressing appreciation, you’re rounding all the bases to a home run. Talking about sex outside of the bedroom is another act of seduction.
Below are examples of ways you can build foreplay:
- Caress your woman with words of appreciation and acts of love.
- Text her during the day to ask if she needs anything to go along with dinner.
- Say thank you for keeping the house together while you were away.
- Rub her feet at night to get her to relax.
- Offer to make a meal one night of the week so that she doesn’t have to.
- Ask her about her most intimate dreams for her life and your family.
- Check in with her about what’s been stressing her out lately.
- Have a 20-minute conversation daily about her passions and interests. Be genuinely interested with no distractions.
- Talk to her about your sex life and ask if she’s satisfied.
- Praise her character, personality, dreams and motivations.
- Each time you invest in something positive about your relationship, show genuine interest in your wife’s daily life and share your own intimate desires, you’re engaging in her most favorite version of foreplay with lovemaking being the final destination.