Enhancing Relationships

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Get Your Sex Life Back After Baby

Published February 4, 2016 by teacher dahl

sex after baby

 

It’s the dirty little secret of baby-making: After nine long months, you’re overwhelmed by the love you feel for your newborn — and shocked to find how much havoc that bundle of joy is wreaking in the bedroom.

If you’re feeling less than lusty after having a baby, you’re not alone. “It’s completely normal for both women and men’s libido to hit a rock-bottom low during the first six to nine months following the birth of your baby,” says L.A. ob-gyn Sheryl Ross, MD.

Rest assured, you needn’t throw your sex life out with the bathwater. Here are a few secrets to help you dust off your sexuality post-baby.

Good: Adjust Your Expectations
Celebrity magazines make it seem like your waistline and your sex life should snap back to normal in a matter of weeks. But the experts know otherwise: Your new postpartum hormones are designed to make you lust-less.

“The first six weeks are definitely the hardest hormonally and physically for both women and men,” says Ross. If you’re a new mom, “your hormones are all over the place, your low estrogen level is in the menopausal range, your vagina is dry with little natural lubrication, and sex hurts. This is the normal baseline.”

Meanwhile, studies have shown that men’s testosterone levels dip when they become fathers, and the more they interact with their Mini-Mes, the lower those levels go.

First step: Don’t rush things.

“Most women will find intercourse painful up until the three-month mark,” notes Ross. “Once you cross that line, look for life to get easier in every way. I always tell my [female] patients, ‘It takes you nine months to go through the pregnancy. Allow yourself nine more to have your body return to normal, too.'”

Better: Take Two-Hour ‘Vacations’
“The best advice I can give to people to fix their libido is get some help [with the baby], says NYC ob-gyn Daniel Roshan, MD. “You can hire a nurse, or ask your mother, your cousins, your friends, your neighbors… I don’t know a magic bullet for fixing libido [post-baby]. It’s about exhaustion.”

On top of that, less free time and more chores can put sex on the back burner. “Even a two-hour vacation can make a world of difference,” says Sabitha Pillai, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University. “It’s short enough that the baby can manage without milk or formula, but the two hours makes a huge difference [for the parents] mentally and psychologically.”

Best: Just Touch Each Other
There’s one emotional snare that many new parents fall prey to: “A lot of us wind up transferring our emotional energy to our kids versus expressing it as a couple,” says Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist in L.A.

Much of it has to do with oxytocin, the bonding chemical we release when we hug, make love… and breastfeed. “Directly after giving birth, the mother winds up getting her oxytocin from her kid,” Van Kirk explains. “I see couples disconnect, emotionally and physically.”

To get back on track, start talking — and touching — right away to raise your oxytocin levels. “Even in the first six weeks, when intercourse is frowned upon, set up time to give each other a massage or a foot rub,” she suggests.

And don’t be afraid to be opportunistic about sex, whether that means setting a sex date or taking advantage of baby’s naps. “Even if it’s a quickie, it’s important,” says Van Kirk. “Sex begets more sex.”

From: Web MD

 

Men: How to Awaken Passion in Your Wife

Published December 7, 2015 by teacher dahl

embracing couple3

For men, it’s easy. Your wife gives you a glance, a naughty side-turn or wears some sexy lingerie and you’re rearing to go. For women, foreplay is a bit more complicated.

Sex and intimacy are essential ingredients to remaining close and connected to your spouse, but often, it’s the first thing to go. Not only do you battle with the stress of everyday life, lack of sleep from demanding kids or just feeling plain old “not into it,” you also have to worry about setting the stage precisely. Otherwise it loses steam.
Women love intimacy and desire sex, despite what our society tells us. They yearn to be cherished, caressed and adored. All of these things must precede the bedroom dance, however, in order for a woman to get excited about making love.

Think about foreplay for women like picking your NFL fantasy draft. You spend months in advance of football season analyzing the players, listening to the commentators’ projections, and conferring with friends on how you’ll make your move. You start early, agonizing over all the possibilities and changing position when needed to make the right pick. This is how you seduce a woman.

Foreplay is ongoing and happens way before the candles and sex talk ensue. If you can nail the essential steps ahead of time, you’ll have your woman eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.

As John Gottman said in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.” When you turn toward your spouse in those small, everyday moments, you’re tapping into the act of intimacy, which in turn leads to an active sex life. When you strengthen the bond of connection by building friendship and expressing appreciation, you’re rounding all the bases to a home run. Talking about sex outside of the bedroom is another act of seduction.

Below are examples of ways you can build foreplay:

  • Caress your woman with words of appreciation and acts of love.
  • Text her during the day to ask if she needs anything to go along with dinner.
  • Say thank you for keeping the house together while you were away.
  • Rub her feet at night to get her to relax.
  • Offer to make a meal one night of the week so that she doesn’t have to.
  • Ask her about her most intimate dreams for her life and your family.
  • Check in with her about what’s been stressing her out lately.
  • Have a 20-minute conversation daily about her passions and interests. Be genuinely interested with no distractions.
  • Talk to her about your sex life and ask if she’s satisfied.
  • Praise her character, personality, dreams and motivations.
  • Each time you invest in something positive about your relationship, show genuine interest in your wife’s daily life and share your own intimate desires, you’re engaging in her most favorite version of foreplay with lovemaking being the final destination.

This is what marriage certificates looked like in the late 1800s

Published April 10, 2015 by teacher dahl

Have you ever wondered what it was like for your grandparents or great-grandparents to fill out a marriage certificate?
Here are 10 marriage certificates from the late 1800s, which we found through searching the Library of Congress.

MC 1

1840-1850

Here’s a marriage certificate that was popular in the 1840s and 1850s. It features an image of a married couple in the center, with requirements for the husband on the left and requirements of the wife on the right. The requirements, which cite Bible verses, ask for the husband and wife to be loyal to each other.
1857
Here’s a marriage certificate from 1857 that comes from a mayor’s office. Though the writing is tough to read, the focus is on the two hands shaking at the bottom, which highlights the sense of unity the married couple will share together.

MC2

1869
This certificate from 1869 is as simple as it gets. There’s a beautiful photo of a married couple at the top, with spaces for the couple’s witnesses signatures at the bottom. Those definitely seem like the easy days of filling out a form, since it merely asks for the couples to write their names.

MC 31871
Two years later, we get this marriage certificate, which has two vacant circles for the couples’ personal portraits. This one specifically comes from New York City.

MC 4

1875
This marriage certificate includes beautiful flowers on the outskirts, which is a welcomed spice for the otherwise mundane certificate. It comes from 1875 and, much like the 1871 rendition, includes spaces for the marrying couple’s portraits.

MC5

1877

This marriage certificate from 1877 is more about the outside images than the rest of it. There are two married couples on the certificate, outlined by an exceptional bouquet of flowers. It’s a pretty marriage certificate, more than some of the plainer versions from earlier years. This also highlights a trend of marriage certificates including flowery images as the 19th century progressed.

MC 6

1880
And lastly, here’s Theodore Roosevelt’s marriage certificate from 1880 . That’s right. Teddy Roosevelt’s marriage certificate to Alice Lee. This certificate includes a space that asks which number marriage this is for the bride and groom respectively.

By : Herb Scribner national desaretnews.com

Reasons why Sex in the Morning is the Best time

Published January 23, 2014 by teacher dahl

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One of the many differences between the sexuality of men and women is that men tend to enjoy morning sex, while women mostly prefer to keep bedroom activity reserved for nighttime. This probably has a lot to do with what is referred to as nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT), which causes a man without erectile dysfunction to have three to five erections as he sleeps. NPT is more commonly referred to as “morning wood” or “morning glory.” Whatever you call it, waking up with an erection is as good a reason as any to initiate a little early action. Unfortunately, your girl may not be in the mood the minute she opens her eyes, but if you approach it properly she will very quickly be just as into morning sex as you are.

We have tricks that will ensure your sunrise sex session is totally appealing and super pleasurable.

For rocking mornings with your loving partner….

1. Prepare the night before:

In order to avoid having to get out of bed just when you are in the mood for the morning action, prepare yourself the night before. Keep some breath mints near the bed, to avoid embarrassment in the morning, before things start to get sexy. Also, be sure to go to the bathroom before you go to sleep to prevent having to get up to take a leak as soon as you wake up.

2. Gently wake your partner:

Your woman most likely does not know you are in the mood, early morning. So, start by soft and slow moves and let your sensual approach wake up your partner in a positive, loving mood that will make it much more likely that you both will have pleasure in morning sex.

  • Focus on Each Other’s Necks, Nips, and Shoulders

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Let’s be honest: kissing before brushing can be a major mood-killer. But it’s totally awk to hook up without kissing, right? Instead of going for mouth-on-mouth action, put your lips on the rest of his upper body to get things started.

3. Keep time in mind

It’s important to wake up early enough to get a little action in before either of you are due at work. You both need enough time to enjoy a little morning make-out time to start your day. It’s best if you can wake up before your partner so you can arouse him/her into consciousness with your moves.

4. Brush, if you can:

There is nothing that is more putting-off than bad breath in bed! Although you have mints besides you, if you do brush, the fresh breath will be a great turn on in bed. And then you woke up a bit earlier than your partner anyway, didn’t you?

Get, set, going! Have Great Mornings!

source: Ask Men
Cosmopolitan
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Why Do Happily Married Men Fall for Another Woman?

Published November 28, 2013 by teacher dahl

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Husbands’ Needs
A major reason that seemingly happily married men for for other women is because their needs aren’t being met. All married individuals, including men, have physical, psychological, emotional and social needs that need to be met by their marriage partner.

Opportunity
Research has shown that there is a rising trend for young married men under the age of 30 to cheat on their wives. One of the reasons for this is opportunity. Young adults often go out more often and there may be more chance to develop a romance in the office or workplace, which can lead to infidelity.

Impulsivity
Happily married men who commit acts of infidelity on their wives may do so because of an impulse or the feeling of excitement that they are doing something wrong. In addition, these feelings of excitement only increase if there is a higher chance that they will get caught.

Jealousy
Some married men may end up engaging in infidelity if they have found that their wives have also done this to them. This is the “eye-for-an-eye” attitude, in which a married man may feel like he is doing nothing wrong since his wife also cheated on him.

Prevention
The number one prevention of infidelity on the part of a husband (or a wife for that matter) is open communication and trust in a marriage. Open communication allows for much-needed discussions and trust is the building block that is needed for every successful marriage.

source: e.how .com

Why Do Married Men Flirt?

Published November 25, 2013 by teacher dahl

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Why Married Men Flirt

Some married men flirt as a pastime. It is a way to remind them that they are capable of attracting another person. Being reminded that you are attractive and desirable boosts confidence and self-esteem. In other cases, a married man flirting may be prompted by boredom and the need for variety. If his partner no longer flirts with him or has a decreased sex drive due to child rearing or other preoccupations, a married man may flirt because he wants to feel attractive.
He’s in it because he wants to keep the single part of himself alive. Huge part of the male brain has been developed from the time of
puberty until they tie the knot …that is of being a Pursuer.

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Signs That a Married Man Is Flirting

Flirtatiousness does not always disappear with marriage. Flirting is common, even among married couples. People have a natural need to feel wanted and desired. There are several reasons why a married man flirts. There are a number of physical signs to look for to determine if a married man is flirting. While it may be harmless in some cases, some men may engage in flirting that crosses the border of deceptiveness.

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Physical Signs

In some cases, you may want to know if your husband is flirting with someone. In other cases you may want to know if the married man talking to you is flirting. Either way, there are various physical telltale signs to look for. A flirting man gives away his flirtatiousness through his actions, not necessarily his words. A flirting man looks at you, moving his eyes in a triangular pattern. He looks at one eye, then the other, and follows the path around to your nose and mouth. His pupils dilate and he blinks more frequently. He positions himself to look taller and stronger. He may attempt to fix his appearance by smoothing his hair. His body faces the person who is the target of his flirting. In a group setting, the person he continually faces indicates his interest.

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Harmless Flirting

There is such a thing as harmless flirting. This flirting can be taken with a grain of salt. If a married man is playful or harmlessly flirtatious, it should not be blown out of proportion. Flirting does not always equate to cheating. Some men are naturally flirtatious. Their flirtatiousness does not stop after they are married; however, in this case of harmless flirting, all involved parties are typically aware. The spouse is aware that her husband is a flirt and does not see it as a threat. Harmless flirting may consist of a compliment, a witty conversation or a dirty joke; however, there are boundaries and physical lines that are clearly established.

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Deceptive Flirting
Deceptive flirting occurs when a married man engages in flirting at the ignorance of his spouse. The spouse is unaware that her husband is flirtatious or engaging in flirting. Deceitful flirting crosses physical boundaries. Touches linger, compliments are of a sexual nature and sexual undertones are present throughout the interaction. A married man’s motives should be examined if he puts himself in situations and goes out of his way to flirt. In some cases, flirting can be deceptive, even if it doesn’t cross physical boundaries. Chat rooms and social networks form the perfect opportunities for men to flirt without their spouse knowing. Even though these encounters may not be physical, a spouse may find this unacceptable. Virtual infidelity can be just as serious as physical infidelity.

source: glamour .com

5 Signs You’re Not Happy : Do you have them?

Published November 1, 2013 by teacher dahl

The National Institutes of Health report that more than 20 million people in the United States suffer from depression.
While you can’t equate depression with run-of-the-mill unhappiness, there does seem to be a disconnection between reported and actual happiness. In that case, certain behaviors can raise red flags that negative emotions are taking a toll. After recognizing them and taking action, folks can get back on track toward joy.

Count down begins…

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5. Too Much TV

Sometimes, a stressful day simply calls for a night of indulgent television. Kick back, relax and let your mind melt in the sea of reality shows and hospital dramas. But if this is your routine night after night, it may be wise to abandon the remote for a while. According to a 2008 study, excessive boob-tube time is a possible sign of unhappiness.
Since 1972, researchers at the University of Chicago have conducted the General Social Survey to evaluate the social climate in the United States. Regardless of education, income, marital status or age, happier people surveyed watched about 30 percent less television each week than unhappier participants

. On average, the happier respondents watched 19 hours of television, compared to 25 hours for the unhappy set. Instead of kicking back on the couch, take a cue from the happier lot. Their leisure time involved hanging out with friends, volunteering or participating in organized activities.

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4. Troubled relationships

A sure sign of growing despondency is fractured relationships. Unhappier people may have more difficultly resolving issues or project immediate problems onto the future. They may not attempt to broaden friend circles and meet new people. And when relationships turn sour, this can reinforce feelings of discontent.
The happier people included in the General Social Survey spent more time with others in one way or another. That result echoes throughout the vast body of happiness research; consistently, those with the deepest and widest social connections report the highest levels of life satisfaction. For instance, surveys demonstrate that married people are generally happier than singles. Yet, happier folks may be more likely to get married in the first place.
Reaping the benefits of bonding with friends and family can happen through online social media as well. The Virtual Happiness Project, which is evaluating the relationship between happiness and online social networking, has so far found that building relationships via online platforms can boost happiness

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3. Uncontrollable Stress

According to positive psychology, or the science of subject well-being, environment plays an important role in people’s quest for happiness. Feeling safe and comfortable generates contentment and satisfaction. Conversely, an excessively stressful environment promotes anxiety and insecurity. For instance, a study comparing controllable and uncontrollable stress found that the latter caused greater unhappiness and tension

. While stress compels us to work more efficiently and achieve greater goals, too much of it can adversely affect long-term happiness.
One recent example of the stress effect is the paradoxical shift in happiness among American women in the past 35 years. Despite the progress women have made in recent decades, their rates of subjective well-being have declined overall

. Researchers have attributed this to the rising stress levels women must manage while juggling a family and career. A separate comparison of how people spend their time concluded that men may be happier today because they spend less time on unpleasant tasks than women

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While we can’t entirely eliminate stress from our lives, some tenets of positive psychology can help alleviate it. Specifically, positive thinking, mindfulness and optimism serve as emotional stress antidotes. When stress strikes, fight the urge to park in front of the television and try out relaxation techniques instead.

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2. Constant Pleasure Seeking

In the late 1970s, a team of psychologists led by Philip Brickman came to a startling conclusion about humans and happiness. In comparing the happiness levels of a group of lottery winners and a group of paraplegics to that of the general population, the psychologists discovered that both life-altering events made negligible differences on the groups’ well-being after a while. The researchers attributed this phenomenon to the adaptive functioning of the human spirit. Given time, people will acclimate to circumstances, whether fantastically positive or negative.
In the case of the lottery winners, a sudden jolt of wealth didn’t improve their happiness in the long run. Instead, people can get trapped on what Brickman coined a hedonic treadmill, or an endless search for bigger and better material goods to bring pleasure. The problem with this pathological pleasure-seeking is its intrinsic emptiness. By definition, pleasure is momentary and fleeting — leaving us wanting more. Contentment, on the other hand, means appreciating present circumstances and surroundings.

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1. Sleepless Nights

After a night of tossing and turning in the bed, you finally nod off to sleep. Moments later — or so it feels like — the alarm chimes, and it’s time to get up. Needless to say, this isn’t the best way to start the day. A study published in the journal Science tracked 909 working women’s mood shifts throughout the day. Aside from work-related stress, not getting enough quality sleep was the top predictor of unhappiness among the subjects

Also, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan calculated the happiness boost people get from sleeping an extra hour each night as equivalent to receiving a $60,000 annual raise

. This impressive effect likely relates to brain chemistry. The brains of sleep-deprived people are more sensitive to the effects of cortisol, a stress hormone.

The link between sleep and happiness begs the question of correlation versus causation. Does poor sleep make us unhappy, or is unhappiness hindering sleep? It probably depends on individual situations. Someone working 60 hours per week may be suffering from overwork and sheer lack of sleep time. On the other hand, symptoms of unhappiness, such as stress and television, don’t promote quality rest, either.
Tackling the sleep issue may require a multi-pronged approach. Evaluating stress levels and exercise routines are smart places to start. After all, when you don’t prepare your body for bedtime, nodding off can prove challenging no matter how happy you feel.

source: How stuff works.com

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